Some of you (maybe even most of you), know what it is like to start getting older.
I've noticed in the last few months. Especially in my face. I can deal with my skin seeming a little looser. I'm even okay with my constant need for lip moisturizer. But I felt like just as I was truly getting comfortable with wearing absolute minimal makeup (a smidge of bronzer on my cheeks and mascara), my skin started to rebel.
My cheeks were so red. I looked flushed all the time. After about a year of not wearing makeup and getting comfortable with it, I was suddenly uncomfortable again. Not because there was anything wrong with the redness, but because the face looking back at me wasn't the one I had adjusted too. It was just different - different enough to make me aware.
I spent my holiday bonus from work (a $50 Amazon gift card!) trying to find the answer. I bought masks and peels and washes. I read reviews and looked at all the screenshots I've taken of things Jessamyn and Dana have talked about. I went back through my text chain with the FatCamp Braintrust. And, just a few days ago, a box of face products (and two books) arrived at my door.
I got busy. I haven't used any of them. But I did have a few dollars left at Lush after buying my necessity. So I bought a $10 bar of my old face soap. You know, that soap I used for years until about 6 months ago when I couldn't justify the expense and I didn't trust myself to go to the mall.
I used the soap this morning. One day. And I can tell a difference. My face didn't like the face soap from Trader Joe's. But it likes Lush.
I'm sure I'll use all of the masks I bought. But I'll use them as a treat instead of looking for a solution to a problem.
This got me thinking about the New Year. About how maybe new/more/different isn't the answer. Maybe the simple solutions are right in front of me. Maybe I can just worry less and just be kind to myself. Maybe it isn't about clay masks or peels in an egg. Maybe it is just about a bar of gentle pink soap.
I have two actual resolutions this year.
1. I will do less anxiety math. This is a very simple solution for me. When I get anxious? I open up the calculator on my desktop computer. Let's see exactly how much money we'll have left over after we pay the bills, spend our average on groceries and gas. Then let's go 2 weeks out. And then 4! Let's do the math and see how it will shake out if I lose a client (or two). Okay. Then I start to panic. Okay, now what if I do that yoga series I'm thinking about. How much would I need to charge and how many people if I needed to make up for losing 2 clients? (WHICH I HAVEN'T LOST!) See? This spiral is insane. And it can go on for hours. And it is incredibly counterproductive. So in 2017? Less anxiety math. I am committing to not worrying about finances more than a month out (I didn't say not planning or being responsible, I said not worrying). I'm not going to obsess over PTO time or hours I spend doing offerings or all of those things that I project and never turn out exactly as I figured or don't really matter because I can figure out how to juggle it anyway. Less anxiety math.
2. I will finally get a tattoo. I think I have picked out my first one. Simple. Clean, thin lines. Super representative of my last few years. I want a super detailed hamsa one day, but I don't think that's where I should probably start.
Kindness. Not looking to fill with more. A bar of pink soap. Less math. And a flower on my foot.
Let's do this, 2017.