I choose a word for each new year. It took me a while to get to this one.
See, 2015 was a year of getting to my foundation.
I finished yoga teacher training. I was laid off. I found a new job that is fulfilling but has really changed how we handle money. (That's such a nice way of saying what I really wanted to say.) I feel like 2015 was a palette cleanser in a lot of ways. I was able to step back, take a breath, and redetermine the life I want to build. On my terms.
So how did I want to frame 2016?
I looked at restore, but it felt a little passive to me. Like it was something that would be done to me instead of something I would do.
I thought about refresh, but it felt a little too flowery. I wanted the imagery around the word to be as much about the work required as it was about the feelings.
Revived felt too jolting - I couldn't get past the image of the cardiac paddles. Renovate didn't feel substantial enough. Rejuvenate didn't hit the mark just right. Neither did revitalize.
And then it hit me. Rebuild.
I think rebuild is perfect. I have a super strong foundation. I know who I am, I know what I want. I have a system in place where nothing has to happen quickly or in a rush. I get to take my time and choose. I get to choose the big things - the layout, the location - but I also get to choose all of the little details - fixtures, paint colors. I get to rebuild my life. And I chose rebuild because each of my intentions are something I have had before, something I have done, someone I have been. There is no doubt that I can reach any of these goals because I already have. I just want to get back there. To rebuild.
So, what does rebuild mean to me?
I want to run again.
All this time, I thought what I missed about running was the community that I used to have. But a sweet friend said something to me that made me stop in my tracks. "I don't miss running, but I miss who I was when I was running." Yes, yes, yes. I miss that feeling of badassery and power. I miss knowing that I could run 5 miles without any difficulty. I miss the connection to my life that I found in running.
That being said, I am not setting any goals. I'm sure I'll run a 5K at some point this year, but that's as far as I'm planning. My brain says that I should run the 10K in July or the half-marathon in October. But I'm not thinking that way. If you run, you are a runner. And this year, I want to become a runner again.
I want to prioritize my health again.
I am not going to count calories. I am not doing this with any intention to lose weight. I do not believe that my body is a problem to be solved. However, I want to be more mindful of what I eat and drink. I want to notice the relationship between what I eat and how I feel. I want to use food as self-care and self-empowerment. This is not about restriction at all. It is about including more of the good stuff. More fruits and vegetables and water. It is about washing my face at night and taking my medication every day and finding a chance to move within each day. I am rebuilding my thoughts and attitude around food to be driven by what is kind and what is joyful. And choosing to eat what falls into both categories.
I want to practice therapy again.
I never thought I would say that. When I walked out of that foster care agency eight years ago, I was DONE. I was burned out and emotionally exhausted and thought that part of my life was over. But I have been so inspired by my sweet friend Karin. And my life coaching clients teach me so much on a daily basis. I have come to realize that the coaching I do is very similar to how I want to approach therapy. I have realized that I can choose my clients. I don't have to work with at-risk youth. I get to choose who I help and how I help them. I have a job that pays the bills and that I am in no hurry to leave. But managing social media and events has taught me how important it is to me to help people. My gifts are there, not on HootSuite. I want to step-up my game as a coach. I want to take the skills I have learned in yoga and put them into counseling. And I want to teach yoga as much as I can. I want to help people connect with their bodies and take their physical self into account when making decisions. I have plans to get there, but I don't have to rush. But I know that I will be doing therapy again before the year is over.
I want to find my sense of urgency.
I am a terrible procrastinator. My inbox frequently hovers around 100 when I know it would take me 10 minutes to file and snooze and get under 10. I have a Garmin (under warranty) that hasn't worked for months. I have a blender that is smoking that I need to get fixed because I miss my smoothies. I need to call the dentist. I need to mail 2 packages (I am SO SORRY Tina and AshleyGee). I waited until the last minute possible today to have what I knew would be a pleasant conversation. I often put my yoga practice off until the end of the day. I have had this blogpost outlined on my phone for 2 weeks. TWO WEEKS. I don't have a typical 9-5. I create my own deadlines. I truly have enough time to get everything done that I want to get done (except that blasted Clean Clothes Mountain). And, because of that, nothing seems urgent. So a lot of things just get done when they get done. I haven't always been that way. I used to love to mark things off in my daily planner, but now I just make a weekly to-do, fill them in daily as I accomplish them, and move some tasks over from week to week to week. I want to be the kind of person again that does things that needs to be done just for the sake of doing them. So I don't wake up in the middle of the night and think about that email I need to send. Or the PayPal transfer that needs to be done. Or the laundry that I should have switched out. I'm not waking up with anxiety, but I am waking up with don't forget lists. I'm having to search for emails that should be filed. I'm having to apologize for being a flake. And I don't want to do that anymore. I want to act out of a sense of urgency.
So that's what I intend to rebuild this year - running, my health, my career, and my sense of urgency. With the freedom to choose the structure and the details.
I cannot tell you how excited I am for 2016.
Want to work with me in January? I have a yoga series and a coaching series starting on January 18.
Are you unsure of what yoga is? Are you not sure if you are doing it right? Are you not sure when in your day you can find time?
Finding Space is a six-week yoga program to help you find and take up space. Space in your day. Space on your mat. Space in your life. On your terms.
In this six-week series, you will:
- learn the basics of yoga
- explore the best version of poses for your body in each practice
- play with taking up the space you deserve, both physically on your mat and with increasing the self-care habit of a consistent yoga practice
- receive journal prompts to continue thinking about the emotional aspect of the classes between sessions
Courageous Foundation is a six-week coaching offering full of lessons, journaling prompts, video yoga classes, and facebook chats. We will begin on January 18. This multi-media course is both gentle and world-shifting.
This course focuses on exploring your own inner workings and beliefs around food, movement, and beauty. Instead of creating an entirely new paradigm for yourself, we will learn to start turning in. To act based on what you want instead of what you feel you should want. To make decisions and set priorities based on who you already are instead of reaching toward being someone else. This program builds a friendship with both your body and your inner voice - a friendship of trust and support and a willingness to respond.
You'll have the opportunity to read, write, listen, watch, move, and still. With as much or as little social interaction as you like. You take what you need, you leave the rest behind. But I'll give you so much, and encourage you to try as much as you can.