Last week, Timehop offered this graphic that shows your face through the years. (Click here if you want to see my entire video.) It was so interesting to look back at myself.
I have been fluffy. And I have been thin. And I am somewhere in the middle of those two now. I see my round face. I see my thin face. But I don't remember having any big mental or emotional shifts between the two.
I look at rounder me and I don't see worse. I smile with her rounder face and I see someone who loved to cook and knew she was loved and just didn't know what her body was capable of. She just didn't know yet. She had so much to learn, so much to realize, so much to grow into.
I look at thin me and I don't see better. I smile with her long face and I see someone who was running 40 miles a week. I see someone who was driven and focused and amazed at what her body could do.
I look at current me and I see the same person. I smile with her peace with her body. I smile with her current intentions and her list of things she wants to physically accomplish one day (maybe before 40). I see someone who understands that health is a process, nutrition is a gift of self-love, and that she will go through seasons of preferred types of movement.
I look at all of these pictures, and I see me. I see self-love and self-criticism in all of them. I have consistently had aspects my physical self that I love and things about my physical self that I am not especially fond of. And these things didn't change with my size. At all stops along this spectrum, I have liked the shape of my face and my waist and (yes sir) my calves. I haven't liked my belly or my ribcage. There are times when I am fonder of my chest (when I am heavier) and when I am fonder of my arse (when I am smaller), but for the most part? My feelings toward my body are the same no matter what size I am.
This realization was huge to me. I am who I am. My body is what it is. We are friends now, but our relationship never really changed. We have had the same disagreements over and over. And we connect over the same things again and again.
Just like any long-term relationship.
I wasn't happier when I was thinner. I wasn't miserable when I was fatter. I have always been me. Working on my patterns. Checking in with my feelings. Trying my best to take the best care of me.
And that's who I will stay. Working on my patterns. Checking in with my feelings. Trying my best to take the best care of me.
Only now with a little less guilt.
Practice yoga with me!
Lexington Local? I teach Tuesday evenings at John's Run/Walk Shop and twice a month at Centered. (Seriously, friends. Seeing my bio listed as a teacher at a *real* studio was one of the highlights of my life.)
Out in the world? You can take video classes with me! I currently have two different packages for sale - a four-class into package and Yoga for Tuning In. New series is coming in mid-February. You can sign up for my email list (right on my homepage) to make sure you don't miss it when it launches!
You can learn more about in person and online classes at krissiebentley.com/yoga.