My friend Teale called me out today. Just a "I miss your blog!" on Facebook. But what it really was for me? It was someone taking notice that I've been away. So here I am, with my lunch, and I am writing.
I have been making a lot of excuses for not writing. And I had convinced myself that I was offering myself grace. I'm adjusting to the new job. I've had a series of busy weekends. I'm spending time outside walking and I've upped my fruits and vegetables and I'm practicing yoga every single day. And I keep reminding myself of this. I realized today that all of this? It is an excuse.
I haven't been gone because I am too busy to write. I've been gone because I have gotten comfortable. Because I have gotten out of the habit of putting myself out there.
I am playing small.
Just as we may strive on the mat for more than our bodies are ready for, we may also take the opposite tack, and play small. We back off and stay in the comfort zone, all our excuses at the ready...We sell ourselves short. ~ Meditations from the Mat Day 25
I see that now. I'm dragging my feet on setting up new yoga classes to teach. I'm not writing. I didn't even push my last coaching offering at all. I'm playing small. I'm afraid to fail. I'm afraid that things will come crashing down. I'm afraid of being tired and unhappy and professionally unstable again. I'm afraid of all of the things I used to feel, so I'm reluctant to change anything.
But I am not small. I am loud and brave and I take up space.
And I am welcomed.
And I am beyond competent.
Thank you, Teale, for the reminder.
If I go missing again? Feel free to ask me where I am. What I'm up to. Sometimes I need the accountability. :)
And while I'm here, I'll remind you about my daily practice videos. I share my #365daysofyoga practice daily on my Facebook page, and I upload two weeks at a time on my Vimeo channel. The first video is a few weeks old, but this one went up over the weekend.