what do I really want?

As I was really still the other day, I found myself curious about what I really want. You know, goals and dreams and intentions and 5-year plans and all of that stuff. I realized that I have no idea. I mean, zero. I have a dozen possibilities but nothing that is even close to concrete. I see myself coaching and teaching yoga and maybe even doing some focused running coaching again and possibly still working part-time for my current employer or maybe slinging coffee or making jewelry or who-knows-what.

Yeah. I feel super up in the air. Initially, this felt panicky. Like I should know where I'm going. Like I should know what I want. And instead, I feel like I'm just sitting in the middle of a sunny field. I'm putting together a puzzle. I keep new getting pieces, discarding other pieces, and putting others aside for when I may need them in the future.


And when I look back over the past few years? I don't think that is a bad thing.

This is exactly where I should be. Content but striving. Driven but curious.

When I think about how to discern all of these potential paths, I keep my Core Desired Feelings in mind. (What am I talking about? Go check out the Desire Map.)

I want to feel assured. I want to trust that my God, my husband, and my efforts will provide all that I need. I want to feel that I have all that I need. That I am all that I need to be. I want to have faith in my enoughness.

I want to feel responsive. I originally had brave in this spot, but I feel a lot of pressure with brave. For me, brave feels really big. Brave feels like I have to take big chances and make big commitments. Responsive feels better to me. Responsive feels like there is discernment involved. I want to sincerely look at opportunities that I am presented with. And I want to respond. I want to to have the faith to take on opportunities that scare me. I want to take chances that I see. I want to be thoughtful and discerning and not allow fear to get in the way.

I want to feel content. I want to live in that sweet spot where I love myself and my life just as it is, but still have that fire to make things better. Knowing that today is enough just as it is.

I want to feel unapologetic. I want to speak my truth to whoever will listen. (Thank you for this space, sweet friends.) I want to live without playing small. I want to say yes when I mean yes and say no when I mean no without apology or explanation. I want to allow myself space to be quiet and be loud. To be social and to be alone. To allow myself the same grace that I offer to others.

I want to feel ease. Ease does not equal laziness. I understand the importance of commitment and discipline. But, when all is said and done, I want to get up and go to bed feeling a sense of ease. That my day is designed in a way that creates space and fullness. That I am operating in my strengths and not focusing on my weakness. That I have planned my day/week/month in a way that I am not overloaded and stressed. I want to feel like my to-do and could-do lists reflect me. And that I pursue my dreams in a way that feels like ease.

So, friends. How do you want to feel today?