flashback Friday - I am a knife.

This post initially appeared on Questions for Dessert (ye olde blog) on May 24, 2012. And, even then, yoga was the answer.

Last night I wasn’t happy. At all.

I had boot camp on my schedule, but I didn’t want to go. At all. I was beat. Physically. Emotionally. Professionally. I was just exhausted.

Boot camp on Monday left me feeling empowered and excited. But running during lunch on Tuesday brought out my soreness. And then Butts and Gutts and Zumba on Tuesday night brought out exhaustion. Yesterday I found myself really really sore all the way around my abdomen and back. My thighs were burning. My knees are bruised from my modified burpies and push-ups from Monday. I took a 10 minute nap between getting home and getting dinner ready.

The thought of boot camp almost brought frustrated tears. I wanted to do it. I wanted to be focused. I want 153 and a sub-5 marathon. But I didn’t know if my body could handle it. I knew I couldn’t perform to the level I did on Monday and I was afraid I’d spend that hour being frustrated and discouraged. I didn’t know what to do.

So I reached out to my friends. And the lovely Ann posed the following question:

The body is not a sledge hammer to be beat against a rock. It is a knife to be honed. Do you think boot camp is closer to beating yourself against a rock or honig yourself? There’s your answer.

I literally sighed with relief. There was my answer. Boot camp would have been beating myself against a rock. So I started thinking. About what I could do to be a knife. It wasn’t black or white. My decision wasn’t boot camp or nothing. I needed to figure out how to be a knife.

I opened the Yoga Download app on my phone and I did an amazing 20 minute yoga practice called "Twisting out Negativity" and my standard 20 minute hatha yoga #1. It was exactly what I needed. I felt energized and connected to my body. I didn’t feel like I had given up on my fitness goals for the night, I just felt like I had made a better decision about what kind of goal to have.

I feel very secure that I did what my body needed. I don’t have to be balls-to-the-wall all the time. I need to listen, respect, and hone my body.

Amending my plan doesn’t mean that I’m not focused. It just means that I’m paying attention.