I have had a hard time keeping everything together. (Don't we all, though?) I used to think it was a matter of time and energy and focus. That I couldn't juggle everything. That if I got my coaching and health in check, then my finances would fall apart. That if I got my finances and health together, I'd fall apart on the business end of coaching. And, to finish it out, if I got my finances and coaching together, I just couldn't get my health in line. And I was living out that self-fulfilling prophecy.
The other day, I was working on a writing prompt when I realized that this might not be accurate.
These challenges may not be rooted in a lack of time and energy. This may be about fear.
My fears play musical chairs.
If I don't trust myself to live my best life, I will always have to have something to be afraid of. Something to be on-the-verge panicky about. Something to stress and fret about.
I don't have enough trust in myself to believe that I can truly have it all together. So my fears bounce back and forth between the things that take work and focus. And when things start going smoothly, I look for signs that it is going to fall apart.
Fear looks for and then sits down in the most wobbly chair. And then I let fear move in. Because I knew he was coming. I pat myself on the back for getting things 2/3 right, and then I become content with my 2/3 success.
But I am challenging that. Daily. Moment by moment.
I am proving to myself that I can maintain balance and fit by growing my trust in myself. How?
- I am asking myself, very frequently, "what do I really want?" Do I really want this new makeup? Do I really want to turn on the tv? Do I really want this chocolate? Do I really want to just sit on the couch? And I am learning that I make the best choice for me when I take the time to acknowledge my choice. I'm trusting myself to look out for myself. And I am not going off the deep end.
- I am writing. A lot. I am writing through my fears to see the holes and inconsistencies. I'm letting go of fear by shining light in all of the dark corners.
- I have stopped tracking and listing lots of things. Calories, workouts, daily repetitive tasks. I'm sure this isn't forever, but these lists and trackers were a crutch for me. They kept me from trusting my gut because I could depend on them to remind me. I don't need a box to check off to remind me to check my bank account each morning. I don't need a task to remind me to check up on my clients. I don't need to keep tally of how many days I've done yoga to motivate me to do it today. Doing things that I want to do without reminding myself is building my trust in myself.
- I'm not giving my fear any time to settle in any corner. I'm keeping really busy. I'm not watching much tv. (I mean, the Reds are on in the background a lot for Nathan, but I don't care about baseball.) I'm putting away laundry - No Clean Clothes Mountain! I'm reading. I'm writing. I'm cooking. I'm sleeping. I'm playing with eye shadow. I'm living.
- I am spending a lot of time on my yoga mat. I am gathering so much self-trust there. I am leaving my expectations of perfection. I am learning that I am able to be both good enough and able to be better.
I'm not there yet, friends. But I'm getting there.
No more musical chairs.
You can read more about my process of building self-trust here.
beFULL is a month-long coaching offering that addresses ways to snuff out fear and build self-affirming habits through emails, with a group, and through one-on-one interactions with me.
You know all those thoughts and ideas you have right before you fall asleep at night--those big dreams? And then you wake up you have a million reasons why none of it will ever work--it's just too scary, you can't do any of them, you're just too busy, and anyway life is generally OK now? Those thoughts are your future happiness, and with beFULL, Krissie will help you work through them in the sunshine. She will help you look at why those ideas are scary, at why they are amazing, at how they could change your life if you'd let them. The prompts that she sends are just the beginning of the journey, the opening door. The one-on-one phone calls or texts are the first steps over the threshold. And when you smell the air out there, when you see your dreams with their beautiful winged possibilities flying all around you, you'll find yourself taking your own steps out there into the world of making your best self. ~ Lori
There are several different ways to register. You'll get the most out of the program by investing in emails + coaching. However, I believe in this course so much (and I will not be offering it again) that I wanted to offer an emails only option for those who just aren't able to invest in coaching at this time.
beFULL starts MONDAY, JUNE 2nd. Registration will close at 10pm on Sunday, JUNE 1.
Questions? Leave a comment here and I'll get to it as soon as I can.