Sometimes I know I want something. And sometimes it scares me. Sometimes what I want pokes at all of my insecurities and brings my self-doubt right up to the surface. But sometimes I finally find the guts to say it out loud. And to do something about it.
When I close my eyes and think about the kind of person I want to be in 5 years, I don't see someone who is running aggressively. (Although I can't imagine running not being a part of my life.) When I think about 2019, Krissie, I see myself in a headstand or in full wheel.
I see myself as a coach and a yoga teacher.
But today, I am not good at yoga. I am not flexible. I am not strong. I get frustrated and it feels too vulnerable. And I want to cry.
But when it is good? When I get lost in it? When I fall asleep in cobbler-up-the-wall? When I feel all of my stress release during pigeon? I want to cry then too.
I see these pictures and I want to weep. Because I want this - a burning, deep-in-my-belly want - so bad that I can't even stand it. I want to be the person that takes a moment to take a tree pose on a hike. I want to take a child's pose with a marathon medal around my neck. I want the peace and self-trust and self-connection that comes with a regular yoga practice.
And, in the same way that I wouldn't have started running without Couch to 5K, I'm starting a focused yoga program with structure, guidance, and accountability.
I'm investing in this vision. And reaching for self-acceptance. When I saw the invitation to join this yoga + portraiture course, it spoke to me. And I am joining in. (And as a reward for completing it, I will buy one of these beautiful mats.)
I am also doing daily yoga with doyouyoga.com. I am not following the program in order, but I am on a 5-day streak.
I am settling into fear and doubt. Because I don't want to run away from what it scary.
One pose at a time.