from pursuit to intention

Here's what I'm starting to learn about myself: I live in the future. In numbers. In terms of x.

If I keep growing my business as it is growing, I can be self-employed by x date.

If I keep with my debt work, we can be free of credit card debt by x month.

If I run my scheduled mileage, I'll hit x amount of miles this year.

If I keep with my speedwork, I can be x fast in x amount of time.

If I eat this many calories, I can be x weight in x time.

I've realized that that is a lot of pressure.

Consistent. Pervasive. Heavy.

So step one in Chilling Krissie Out?

I'm letting go of numbers.

I'm not judging my success on how fast or how far or how hard.

I'm doing the best I can. I'm making good choices and enjoying them. I'm trying to find my sweet spot again.

And this means a shift in thinking. A shift from goal pursuit to intentional living.

Maybe it is just me, in my own head, but this shift is huge.

I'm making choices because they are within my intentions - to be healthy, to be happy, to do work that I love, to live a life that I am proud of. And that feels so much better.

I'm not making choices because they are getting me a specific outcome - a number on a scale, being self-employed, a zero balance on a credit card. I'm not approaching my day feeling like I have to do all that I can to just get out - of a job, of debt, of weight - but instead from a place of "what can I do today to get me a little closer?"

And I'm trusting that living intentionally will get me to the places I want to be. In a good and respectable amount of time, even if it isn't at lightning speed. Even if it could be quicker.

I'm giving up pursuit. I'm giving up deadlines.

I'm still planning. I'm still evolving. I'm still acting. I'm still growing. I'm still living.

And I'm still trusting that the outcome of my dreams will be the same.

This shift from pursuit to intention just seems to have so much less pressure attached to it.