thriving on difficulty

Here's my question. To myself really. Why do I make things so hard?

I know what it takes to meet my goals. I know what I need to do.

But if I make it a struggle? If I make it a war? If I act like it is some huge, life-altering battle? Then I have an excuse if I fail.

This is really hard. This takes a lot of work. This is a fight that requires focus and white-knuckling determination.

You know what? I call bullshit.

Here's what I know.

When I'm eating better, I feel better.

When I'm eating better, I move better.

When I'm eating better, I sleep better.

When I'm eating better, I AM better.

So why aren't I eating better? Because I am stubborn. Because I want. Because I have this sense of entitlement that I should be able to make whatever choices I want and still have the outcome I want. Because it seems unfair that I have to pay so much attention to everything I eat or I'll just keep putting weight back on.

I know I can do this because I have done it before. I know how good I will feel because I have been there. I know that it becomes habit quickly. I know I thrive when I am in balance. I know I am happier when I am healthier.

I have stepped back from a lot of my responsibilities. I have made room in my schedule for cooking. I have created space in my life to make this happen - to make myself a priority.

But I'm still repeatedly driving through Starbucks for a venti iced decaf 3-pump pumpkin spice latte. I have a fridge full of fantastic food but I'm giving Nathan let's-eat-out eyes.

So today, I'm just going to try to make it not-so-hard. I'm just going to try to turn off all of the fears and failures and noise.

I've written out my meal and snack plans for today. And I'm going to follow it. Just like I write out my schedule and follow it. Just like I write out my running plan and I follow it. I'm going to try to make it easier, not as much of a struggle. I'm going to try to watch my language, try to remove the emotion. And this evening? I'll write out an eating plan for tomorrow.

I'm going to treat my food plan like all of the other plans in my life and just do it.

I'm going to embrace the ease, release the struggle.

I'm going to try. And try. And try.