So I got called out via text message the other day. Like, really called out. Like the kind of called out that has been coming down the pike for a while.
Basically, the text pointed out that other people can see that I am overwhelmed and over-committed. And that isn't okay. By living in a space that is frantic and stretched, I am not serving anyone - or myself - in a way that is whole or authentic.
Basically, I need to figure out what isn't creating movement and momentum toward my goals and cut them out. I need to stop taking on more than I can handle. And I need to release what doesn't have to be my burden. I have chosen situations that have gotten to my current state, but I can also choose to get out of them.
Consequences? Yup. Frustration from others? Probably. Feelings of disappointment from people I love? That'll happen. But, you know what? I'm taking me back.
And I'm trying really really hard to be unapologetic and guilt-free.
Today, I got out my pretty pens and a pretty orange notebook I bought when I went to meet my new niece in Kansas. And I started writing. I wrote down the following categories: obligations, wants, to evaluate practicality, desire to release, and to release.
I went through my lovely Erin Condren planner and started categorizing the things that I have on my to-do lists. And that felt so good that I started writing other things down. I made some hard decisions. I ate some yogurt and watched an episode of Say Yes to the Dress as a palate cleanser and then revisited my lists. And I closed my eyes and promised myself that I would react accordingly.
And I feel SO much better.
The "obligations" are not as many as I thought, and I am genuinely excited about all of them. ALL of them.
I'm not excited about the "to evaluate practicality" items, though, because I want to do them, but do not know if I have the energy to start them. And they are things that once I start, they will become obligations. So that gets a serious :-l face.
My "to release" and "desire to release" create some serious anxiety, but that is because I don't like to let people down. I want to be everything to everyone all the time, and I just can't do that when I'm working full time, starting a business, and training for a marathon. Of course, guilt is on the top of the "to release" list.
Just like my list of "obligations", my list of "wants" was also more manageable than I thought.
- I miss my family. Home is only two hours away, and I haven't been home for months. I haven't seen my parents since we went to Kansas over Memorial Day. That's not okay.
- I want to have more fun. And I'm learning that fun can be found by putting myself in fun situations, but can also be as simple as a shift in perception. Situation: I went to Zumba last week and my face hurt from smiling. Seriously. It was killer fun. Perception: I also went to a really difficult yoga class two weeks ago and had a ball because I set my intention as fun. Not taking myself so seriously builds fun potential. I also want to just take the time to have fun. To build it into my schedule. To allow myself to rest.
- I miss cooking. A lot. So this week, I planned our entire weekly menu from a cookbook I've just dabbled in, and sent Nathan to Trader Joe's. We're all set for a whole week of brand new meals. Three meals a day FOR ATHLETES.
- Going along with that, I am done with this weight, friends. I am plenty active, I just need to get my eating under control. Having a fridge full of fun things to cook helps, but it won't help me from snacking. So I went back to what I know works for me, what do I enjoy. I have kept a photo food journal before (both on a blog and on Instagram), but I think it can be overwhelming to my friends. So I've decided to use DayOne to document my food and workouts. I like pretty pictures. I like how it organizes. And I like that I can take a screenshot at the end of the day to share with you instead of mini-updates throughout the day. Same accountability, but once a day. And it will create the collage for me.
So what about you? How many obligations do you really have? What do you need to evaluate and release? And (arguably most important) what do you really want?
Let's start Monday with a bang.
I know none of this is earth shattering, but it feels so freeing.