I don't even try to deny my girl crush on Danielle LaPorte anymore. This girl just has a way of ripping back all of my layers to get me to a point where I feel strangely both completely vulnerable but absolutely competent of finding my way home. She just gets me. Of all of the Danielle-isms I have written down and framed around my house, there's one sentence that I find myself repeating several times a day.
Help me to show up and shine - unfurled and honest.
Unfurled and honest.
As I picked up a piece of chalk to write that sentence in a chalkboard-walled washroom in Kansas, the gravity of that charge hit me. I realized, with my hand covered in pink chalk, that the root of my desire to be self-employed isn't discontentment but instead to fulfill my heart. My want to live in a body that I am proud of isn't so others will take me seriously, but instead because I see a different body shape when I close my eyes. My desire to build my client base isn't to make more money, it is sincerely to get my message out.
I want to be unfurled. I want to be honest. I want to SHINE. I want to be me.
I want to be fearless. I listen to my little voice and believe it. I believe that things can and will be awesome. I try to live my life - and my dreams - the best way I can each day and believe that my dreams will rise to meet me.
I want to be content. I give what I have to give, and I trust that the outcome will be what I need. Letting go of perfection is incredibly hard for me. I want my training plan to have only check marks and smiley faces. I want my to-do list to be done at the end of the day. I want my house to be clean and my budget to be balanced and my nails unchipped. But right now? None of those things are done. And I'm just fine. (Here is another view of contentment from my most recent yoga practice.)
I want to be big. I've asked Nathan to tell me if he catches me playing small. Somehow "big" seems less scary than "brave," but I think they are the same thing. I want to dream of big things without being attached to their outcome. I want to take chances professionally. I want to keep putting my message out there - through coaching and the running group, on facebook and twitter and newsletters - and just be big. Be me. I won't be embarrassed about being excited. I won't be afraid of being too hokey or too woo-woo or being unfollowed. I will just be big-mouthed, big-personalitied, opinionated me. And trust that I am transparent enough that my intentions will shine.
I want to be unapologetic. I am setting boundaries that are sometimes hard to hold. I am on a super-tight 'pre-self employment no-spend experiment' budget, which will mean saying no to outings with friends. I give advice in the way that I give advice. I am not going to shape my messages for a certain audience. I am going to put my message out there and trust that the right audience will come.
I want to play. I am learning that I need to make time for intentional play. But the biggest hurdle in this is identifying the difference between play and avoidance or laziness. So I'm trying to get intentional about how I play. Sitting down with the remote control and flipping channels for an hour? No. Hanging out for a solid hour with Monty and Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta? Oh yes. Putting aside my evening to-dos to flip through catalogs and pout about what I can't buy? Nope. Putting aside my list to learn "White Christmas" on the ukulele? Oh yes! (Sorry if you were expecting and email from me last night - you'll get it on my lunch break today.)
So what does unfurled and honest mean to you? What opportunities do you have in your day today, or even in the next hour, to show up? To shine? To unfurl?
So this is my latest coaching offering, beFULL. It isn't the usual challenge where you pick goals and I harass you to move toward them. This offering is a self-exploration program through mini-journal prompts and coaching sessions. This offering will help replace guilt and disappointment with contentment and self-appreciation. There is a special price through 10pm tonight and I would love to have you along. Click over for more details. If you have any questions, feel free to drop me a note at firstname.lastname@example.org