hanging out in the gap (not the store)

Retta sent me this post by Danielle LaPorte about Soul Soup. This excerpt defined where I am right now:

There will be a time, a passage when you don't really know who you were, are, or can be. It's natural, it's divine, and it's the chemistry of beautiful, awesome change.

This passage can happen in big dramatic swells, as years of not quite knowing what you want to do; or seasons of confusion that aren't quite depressing, but confusing enough to invite sadness in. This can happen in compressed bouts of uncertainty before you do something new or monumental.

That’s exactly where I am. I am in a season of confusion. Am I working hard enough? Am I working too hard? I know the direction I want to go in, but is it the right way?

I feel like a lot of the reading I’ve been doing lately has encouraged me to enjoy the time in the gap – the area between my dream and the reality. To take the time to appreciate the process. To appreciate the ability to say no to make way for the yes. To enjoy defining who I will be as a coach.

I’m taking a page from Jon Acuff and looking at my concerns through a telescope – not a magnifying glass which would magnify risk and not a kaleidoscope which would distort it. I am trying to stand far enough back to make it accurate and not-so-scary.

I’m trying to remember what Austin Kleon told me. I don’t need to wait until I know who I am to get started. Through the process of my work, I will figure that out as I go along. I know the work I want to see done. And I’ll only figure out how to do it better by actually doing it. I have to share it with people before I can make it better. If I wait until it is perfect, I’ll never put it out there. And I’d still tweak “perfect” anyway, so I’m not putting it off.

Brene Brown is where I got the phrase “the gap” and she tells me to mind this space. That the space between who I am and who I want to be is where I must make sure I show up. I am asking my clients to step outside of their comfort zone. We are setting goals and chipping away at them. It is only fair that I do the same myself. I am asking them to be brave, to believe me, to follow the plan that we have developed. And I have to put that same faith in myself. I have to follow the plan that I have and believe that I will celebrate the result.

So that’s where I am, friends. In the gap. In the soup. I have a zillion things to do between now and my website release Saturday morning, but I have a detailed list, so it seems much more manageable.

Countdown: 2 days.