my hips don't lie - but my eyes sure do

If a stranger went through the pictures on my phone, he would think I was a narcissist. I have a lot of pictures of myself on my phone.

I don’t want to call it body dysmorphic disorder (mostly because I don’t want to drag out  my DSM to see if I actually meet criteria), but it is definitely in the general vicinity.

I have no idea what I look like. No idea. I pick up clothes off a rack and I have no idea if they will fit me. My weight loss has been slow and steady. I should have had plenty of time for my brain to adjust to what I really look like.

But it never has.

I look in the mirror, and I don’t see reality. I look in the mirror and what I see staring back at me is very inaccurate. I see bulges and huge hips and thick thighs. I do not like what I see in the mirror.

But something strange? When I take a picture, I see the truth. I can look at the screen on my phone and see what is actually there.

I don’t buy clothes without taking a picture and looking at it to figure out if something looks good on me. I don’t trust the mirror. The mirror plays tricks on me, but the picture of my reflection gives me accuracy.

Is that the craziest thing you’ve ever heard or what?