self-doubt is a season

Every morning, I wake up to a daily Truthbomb. I especially love today’s. Think of self-doubt as seasonal. Spring always comes. ~Danielle LaPorte

Except me? I’m not waiting for spring. I’m waiting for fall.

For me, this summer has been about discomfort. About heat and humidity. Repressive heat and humidity. Runs haven’t been easy or fun. I’ve worried about losing my fitness. I’ve worried about meeting my marathon goals. I’ve cut runs way short because I just couldn’t do it. I just plain haven’t wanted to go out there. I haven’t had a great runner summer. I have convinced myself that once the weather breaks, everything will be easier. I’ll be more comfortable, faster, self-assured.

I’m in a similar place professionally. Everything just seems overwhelming and repressive right now. The opportunities ahead of me seem way off. I can see them if I squint, but the work between there and now seems so daunting. I have so much to learn, not just as coach but as a business owner. I have so much that I need to do to develop my big picture plan (business license, graphic designer, website developer, life coach certification), but I don’t really have much disposable money right now. I need to figure out a ton of things in the near future – especially the baby steps I need to be doing right now. I’m at the point where it looks like I have an infinite amount of things to do before I even get started.

And I’m scared. What if I put all this work and money into something that isn’t going to be successful? What if I can’t do it? What if I’m not cut out for this?

I’m hustling. I passed my RRCA coaching exam. I’m working daily with a client and hammering out details with another. I’m just trudging along, trusting that I’ll figure out what I need to figure out as I go along.

But the self-doubt? It is almost paralyzing some days. And I get nothing done on those days. And other days? I feel like an unstoppable train, marking task after task off my list and then writing down more. But today, the self-doubt is back. And it is huge, dark, and scary.

This is a season. I just have to keep working through it. It may not be my best work, it may not be my favorite work, it may not be comfortable. But I’ll work through it.

And, just like fall to a runner, a new season will come. With new challenges and new goals. But a new season will come.