get clear on how you want to feel

Today wasn't my best day. It was actually pretty tough. Professionally. Yeah. Pretty tough.

So instead of sitting at my desk looking at Tastespotting during lunch, I got away. I went outside. And I took my new friend Danielle LaPorte.

I read and read and read. And wrote. And underlined. A co-worker came out and smoked, but she didn't approach me.

My time was up. My lunch was getting warm and cozy in my belly. I went back in the office.

Smoking Co-Worker: I would have said hi, but you were so focused. What are you studying for?

Me: My life.

(Yes, I said that. Yes, I know it is hokey. But it is also true.)

I had some time to spare after work, so I decided to indulge a little. And read some more.

Yes, that is the smallest latte known to man. Or maybe world record cashews. You can decide.

As I sat there at the tiny table for 2, I realized that I have no idea what I want. I mean, I know I want to somehow turn what I love into what I DO, but I have no idea how to do that. I have no idea how to make a real income with my passion and skills. And then I read something that changed everything. There may have been tears.

She was talking about 5-year plans. About how we all have a plan. We all have an endgame that is a number or a position or stuff. But maybe what I need to do is keep doing what I love to do. Get better at what I love to do. And believe that through networking and perfecting my craft, I'll figure out how to make it what I do.

I may not know what I want my professional life to look like in 5 years, or even a year from now. But I do know how I want to feel.

As my alarm went off telling me it was time to go, I scribbled something in the margins, threw my cup away, and headed off to meet a friend.

Again, I don't know what my professional life will look like. But I do know that I want to start looking at my life as one big picture, not lots of little segments.

I want to approach my life - all of it - like I approached the marathon. With discipline. Determination. Focus. Complete faith in myself. Love. Excitement.

I want to look at my life and feel disciplined. Determined. Focused. Self-assured. Excited. Happy.

Even though I don't know how I will get bread on the table.

Yet.